Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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