You really coming over, don't trick.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Say something about gay babies.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
