Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
