We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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