3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
