My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
