Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
