I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
