Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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