she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
