you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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