How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
