I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
