This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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