Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
