Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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