But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
