just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
