He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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