You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
