Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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