I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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