covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
