All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
