you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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