I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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