Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
