i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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