I think I won the penis lottery.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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