Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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