my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
