do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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