he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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