I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
