The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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