I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
