i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
