Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
