Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
