you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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