We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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