We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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