I cut my penus on the lid.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
