No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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