So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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