I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
