I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
