So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
