in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
