Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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