I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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