We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
