Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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