I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
