he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
