So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
