I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
im about as happy as oj after his trial
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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