i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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