i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
