so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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