Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
