Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(757): View more from Virginia

She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!

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(913): View more from Kansas

Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding

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(480): View more from Arizona

I think this baby is eyeing my beer

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(248): View more from Michigan

the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness

(1-248): View more from Michigan

don't cry, we can learn from her

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(209): View more from California

I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.

Fav 23 1173 3446
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(806): View more from Texas

Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.

Fav 5 1096 663
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(801): View more from Utah

Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.

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(316): View more from Kansas

You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows

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