You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
false alarm. still invincible.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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