Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
