So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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