bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
