On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
