bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
