Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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