Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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