Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
