Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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