remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
