Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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