do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
