whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
